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In the name of Allah most gracious most merciful. 

The Muslim Family in the West

 

Written by: Sk.  Omar Kadrawi

Translated by: Dr. Faheem Bukhatwa.

 

03 April 2009 ac

08 Rabee Al-Thani  1430  H

 

Islam looks upon the family as the base or foundation for the building and stability of society. The family is the first building block of the society. If the family is good then the entire society is good. And if the family goes bad then the entire society goes bad. Family is the foundation of a happiness in life. There is no other happiness that supersedes the happiness of an individual at his/her home and within his/her family. And there is no suffering like the suffering inflicted of an individual by his own folks. This who lives happy at his/her own home will live happy with all the people. This who is unhappy at his/her own home lacking the psychological calmness will live bad mannered bad tempered when interacting with people.

 

It is for those reasons that Islam surrounded family with a fence of rules and regulations that defined the rights and obligations for each of the partners and the children males and females. Duties and responsibilities were distributed according to suitability based on the physical capabilities, and the psychological needs for each individual. Those rules and regulations unite rather than separate, and build rather than destroy, and fix rather than ruin. It is through that that peace, tranquillity and stability materialise in a Muslim society and it becomes distant from dismantling and destruction.

 

Islam paid the highest attention regarding the family and the foundation of its formation, and factors of its permanent continuation. Allah says: {part of his miracles is that He created for you from yourselves wives so that you would rest to them. And He made between you intimacy and caring and mercy}. Allah also said: {they are a garment for you and you are a garment for them}. The Koran also showed that husbands and wives are essentials for one another. They complement one another.

 

Dear Muslims, the Muslim family is based on foundations and factors, they are:

 

1)  The understanding within the family.

 

Doing things through consultation and building life based on consent. The Koran says: {and those who give birth they breast feed their children, two full years to those who want to do the full breast feeding}. That goes on until the aya: {and if he wanted separation with consent or agreement between the two and consultation, then there is no harm or sin upon them}. Imagine if agreement, consent and consultation is required at separation then how the situation would be in a continuing family life when they both need one another. On the other hand, single mindedness, and not giving enough respect and not valuing other members in the family are in fact factors towards family destruction.

 

2)  Protecting and respecting the rights between both husband and wife.

 

This is done through good cohabitation, and opening wider horizons of sensational feelings. This strengthens ties, and provides psychological tranquillity. This protects the family from disintegration and the true feelings will dilute any disagreements which may arise. Satan can play his part in destroying the family in moments of anger. Allah says: {live with them in kindness. And if you hate them, then it may be that you hate something and Allah will make in it a lot of good}. The ignorant may inflict him self, and may destroy his own life by his own choice when he replaces love and mercy with stubbornness and challenges. Through stubbornness and challenging small disagreements may grow mighty. And with softness and patience big arguments may be reduced to nothing. A Muslim family is required to protect its self from disintegration as life is never free from disagreements and arguments.

 

3)  The family has functions and great purposes in this life.

 

The important ones are: respecting and living by Allah’s limits, and implementing his law and seeking his satisfaction. All that is achieved by creating the Muslim home. Allah says: {and if you became afraid that they will not live by Allah’s limits then there is no harm or no sin for them with which she may sacrifice}

 

4)  The preparation and bringing up of Muslim descendants.

 

Family is the first school where the initial basics of religion values are received and where the first Islamic values and teachings are learnt. The baby who takes his mother’s milk, love and care is never equal to the baby who lives between baby sitters and crèches without kindness, caring or feelings and sensations. A Muslim family is responsible in the eyes of Allah in bringing up their children according to Islam. Are our families especially in the west; are they doing their part properly?  Such that do they teach the children and give them the strength to resist drifting and moral degradation, secularity and westernising? Do family members meet at Koran reciting or meet at TV screens watching scenes of disobedience. Do our children in our homes get the proper and beneficial lessons and advice and highly respected manners? Any failures will have tremendous consequences on the boys and girls manners and consequently on to society.  

 

5)  Creating the strong links between the family’s children and the Mosque.

 

The mosque is a major and important part of a Muslim’s life. And frequenting the Mosque has tremendous effect on individuals.

 

Dear Muslims, the Muslim family is disintegrating. We see the effects of that manifesting itself in the children of the Muslim community in Ireland and other European states. This is due to the blind imitation of the western life style, and the permissiveness adopted. Divorce cases are rising in our Muslim families, and the children are lost, due to a busy father, and a mother has given up and a merciless society and a life style that destroys the spirit and a race towards lust.

 

Some families have handed the roll of bringing up the children to the television stations. Those stations do what they like in destroying and conniving and transmitting their poisons. Calling for removing hijab, and making the more revealing appearing better, and the mixing to be the norm; and fighting the higher values, and staining the brains and destroying the hearts.

 

Building the family right is not easy especially at the present time and especially in a non-Muslim country. It is a duty which requires a lot of preparations. Married life is not just fun and games and enjoyments. It comes with responsibilities and obligations. Who ever approaches it unprepared is unaware of the wisdom of law of God. And this that abuses it or intentionally destroys it deserves Allah’s punishment. Marriage is a trust to be kept in this life, and it can be shame and regret on the Day of Judgment. Allah says: {you who have faith, protect yourselves and you families or folks from a fire which is fuelled by people and rocks}.

 

It is an important foundation is that both husband and wife know the purpose of marriage. When a family is formed upon a brittle and fragile base it will fall at the first problem faced. This weak base is the lack of knowledge about the high purpose of life and the legal rights exchanged.

 

When those who are approaching marriage think that marriage is a life of continuous enjoyment, and happiness, and unsoured delight, and a wishful life of dreams then that is why we see this saddening number of divorces with no convincing reasons or without major differences between the copules. Many times even words thrown about unknowingly carry a clear effect of divorce. Allah’s rules and regulations are not considered. And therefore, this beautiful and young entity is broken, and that once had love and tranquillity is destroyed by the axe of ignorance and ego and vanity, snobiness, stubbornness and by a mind descending into a chaos of thoughts. What a horrible and painful end. Nothing pleases Satan more than the destruction of a family. The messenger said that Satan sends his armies to attack humans and the ones who are given the better status with Satan are those who do the most destruction by temptation and who succeed in separating married couples.

 

When Satan succeeds in dismantling the ties of a family, it doesn’t just destroy one home. Satan does not put a limit to its evil. By destroying one home; Satan puts the entire nation in a far reaching evil. For a nation who is built on weak foundations of dismantled families, and homeless individuals, and orphaned children can not reach victory and will not reach higher status. In fact it will be weak and will be a target to other nations.

 

6)   Leadership or responsibility or entrust of a Muslim family (Quawamah )

 

Life of a Muslim family is a life of work. Life has its burdens and costs. It needs a pilot or a captain to direct its progress and supervises its safety. This leadership the Koran calls Quawamah or responsibility or entrust. And it is the man’s share to take the charge. And being in charge here does not mean slavery and abuse of other members of the family. Responsibility here is entwined with care and supervision. It is by no means a way of cancelling the personality of the wife or depriving her from the spirit of her will. It does not mean concealing the features of love and friendship within the family.

 

Woman was created by God suited for some functions and she is required to perform. As man was created more suited to other functions and is also required to perform. Because of the physical psychological and social formation of both if the woman is entrusted with this Quamah instead then she would be burdened with more than she would bear. And the family will stray from its path. On the other hand if the man is stripped from his Quama over his wife and family the entire family will be prone to troubles and problems. Those who call for cancelling the Quama of the husband are challenging Allah’s law. Quama means that the head of the family is responsible in providing the physical and spiritual safety and security of the family. He ought to spare the family all forms of harm and going astray. He ought to make himself a row model or an example in the keeping of Allah’s limitations and magnifying the rituals of Allah’s religion. He ought to do all that with good manners and behaviour and he ought to have the ability to deal with all wisely.

 

The head of the family is required to keep a balance between the duties of work, and worship and making the time to family’s responsibilities. He must give each what they need of attention, care and rights. If the head of the family is incapable of providing the time to meet with his family, direct them, talk to them, listen to them, improve their behaviour and morals he will certainly be sorry when it will be too late.

 

The messenger (ppbu) once said to Abdullah ebn Amro: {Abdullah, I have been told that you fast your days, and stay up your nights in prayers. Don’t do that. For you have an obligation towards your body, and an obligation towards your eye, and an obligation towards your wife. Do fasting (some days) and do not fast other days. Do fasting three days every month that is equivalent to fasting the entire life}.

 

It is not right for the head of the family to work his days, and laze off in the evenings, and disappear for fun at night to return tired in the body and mind. This way he will have no energy or ability to look after the children. The matter becomes even worse when the mother also goes out to work, and shopping and socialising leaving behind the home and the children without a father or a mother. Some of the homes became mere resting stations for the parents. While the children’s relation with their fathers turned into a mere good neighbourly relationship. Quamah responsibility is not just the obligation to provide food, drink, clothes and home. It is the responsibility to be fully involved in the family affairs. It includes taking care of the partner in this life (the wife) behaviour and morals, then the children. It is the responsibility of the creation of the nation’s children. Quamah is the protection of this family’s entity. Quamah is not messing and having fun or continuous sleep. It is continuous work, planning and effort in the kingdom of the home with the aim of maintaining its security and stability. It is the duty of the head of the family to implant in the faith and the high standards with in the members of his family; and to flourish within them the love of Allah and of His messenger (ppbu) so the sought after Muslim family is formulated.

 

 

 

Notes:

  1. Adhan - The call to prayer.

  2. Ansar (or Al-Ansar): The inhabitants of the city of Al-Medina that received and supported the messenger (PPBU) when he immigrated from Mekkah in the very early years of Islam.

  3. Assalam Alaikum - The Islamic greeting, literately means: Peace be with you. Used when approaching or leaving. When used during approaching it will be like saying: I bring no harm to you . and when said during leaving somebody it will mean: No harm will come to you after I leave.

  4. Aya (or Ayah): is a verse of the Koran. It also means a miracle or a sign from God.

  5. Arafa (or Arafah or Arafat): is a mountain outside the city of Mecca that represents the climax of the Hajj worship. All doing Hajj must stay at this location on the same day.

  6. Badr - The place of the first significant battle between the Muslims and the pagans of the Quraish. It is located in Saudi Arabia.  

  7. Caliph - A Muslim ruler. See: (Khalifa) 

  8. Dajjal - Antichrist or the False Massiah.

  9. Dawah - The proliferation of Islamic teachings through word and deed.  

  10. Deen (Din) - Religion or way of life. 

  11. Duaa: a prayer in the form of talking to Allah; praising him and asking him for help.

  12. Fatwa - Legal verdict given based on the Qur'an (Koran) and the Sunnah which are the recorded sayings and deeds of Muhammad.

  13. Ferdose: is the highest level of the all the gardens of Eden or paradise.

  14. Fiqh - Religious law.

  15. Hadeeth: is something reported that the messenger have said. It includes all the speeches and ceremonies he gave. It is usually narrated or told by one of his companions. There is a list of hadeeths approximately 14000 that are reported and checked to be genuine. No more hadeeths are acceptably added to this list.

  16. Hajar - The Black Stone set into the corner of the Ka'aba in Mecca. It is said to be a stone from Heaven.

  17. Hajj - The pilgrimage to Mecca which takes place in the last month of the Islamic calendar.  One of the five pillars of Islam.

  18. Hasana or hasanas: is the reward for a good deed. a hasana is a point or a merit for a good deed.

  19. Hadith - The sayings and not deeds of the prophet Muhammad recorded by his followers.  Considered authoritative and perfect.

  20. Hajj: is the worship of pilgrimage.

  21. Hijra (or Hejrah): the event of the immigration of the messenger from Mekkah to Madina. This event marks the start of the Islamic calendar. the Islamic calendar has 12 months based on the lunar cycle, each is 29.5 days. Hijra is also used as a name for the Islamic dating system.

  22. Ibadah - Worship. All the words and deeds with which Allah is pleased. These deeds could be prayer and charity.

  23. Iblis - (Ibleese): On of Satan's names.

  24. Ibn (Ebn): the son of. Used by Arabs as part of an individual's name. Example: Ali whose father is Omar or the son of Omar, would be called: Ali Ibn Omar.

  25. Imam (or Emam)- The leader for a prayer. In the Shiaa sect, an Imam is the individual who has the religious authority.  

  26. Iman: belief or faith

  27. Injil (Enjeel) - The Bible. The book inspired to Jesus for the Christians.

  28. Islam - Submission, the religion of all the prophets of Allah culminating in Muhammad.

  29. Jannah - The heavenly garden, Paradise.  The place of the faithful in the afterlife.

  30. Jihad: is striving in the line of Allah in many forms. Includes a very wide scope varying from improving oneself to fighting a defensive war in protection of Allah's word. The greatest Jihad is the fight one's self against temptations. It also means "holy war."

  31. Jinn - Supernatural, invisible beings race of beings, below angels.  They were made from fire. Like humans, there amongst them are the faithful and the non beleivers and Jinn shall be judged on Judgment Day.

  32. Ka'aba: A cube shaped building in Mecca containing a stone laid there by Abraham and Ishmael. Some say Ka'aba was first built by Adam, and some say by Abraham. It is the holiest place for Muslims. It is where all Muslims face in their daily prayers. Ka'aba also makes a major part of the pilgrimage in a ritual known as Tawaf.

  33. Khalifa: is the Muslim ruler. Head of the Islamic empire. Exact translation: "Successor".

  34. Khutbah  - A sermon given in a Mosque, usually on Friday.

  35. Kufr - Denial or Disbelief. A term Muslims use for anyone who denies existence of Allah or the prophecy of Muhammed.

  36. Koran - Also spelled Qur'an.  The holy book of Islam revealed to Muhammad by Allah through the Archangel Gabriel.  Koran literally means "the recital."  It is the final revelation of Allah given to the prophet Muhammad. It consists of 114 surahs (or chapters.)

  37. Madinah - (Medinah): A city in the Arabian peninsula (in the country known now as Saudi Arabia). A city where the messenger had to immigrate to. Then it was called Yathrib.

  38. Masjid - A center for Muslim activity.  It is referred to as a mosque.

  39. Masiah - A sin, or a sinful act

  40. Mecca or Makkah: is the holiest city for Muslims. It contains the Ka'aba mosque with the famous black cubical shape. Mecca is the birth place of the messenger (PPBU).

  41. Mosque - A Muslim house of worship.

  42. Muhajir - (Muhajireen) Immigrant, one who leaves his home town due to lack of religious freedom. It was first used to describe early Muslims immigrating from Mecca to Median and Ethiopia.

  43. Muhammad - the final messenger and prophet of God whose message abrogated all previous revelations.  He received the Koran through the angel Gabriel over a 23 year period. Born in Mecca and died in Medina at the age of 63. His full name: Muhammad ibn Abd-Allah

  44. Muslim - One who holds faith to the religion of Islam.

  45. Nafilah: a voluntary prayer other than the five obligatory prayers; performed at any time.

  46. Nasara - Christians.  Nasrani: A Christian individual. Nasraniah: Christianity.

  47. Ommah: is the Arabic word for a nation. It usually refers to the Islamic nation unless otherwise specified.

  48. Paradise - Another word for heaven.  A garden of bliss, fruits, rivers and all forms of pleasures imaginable and imaginable. No suffering, disease or death. Service is provided by angels. All live  in it an ever lasting youthful life. Promised by Almighty Allah to all faithful, true Jews, true Christians and True Muslims. Paradise is one of two places every person will go to, either Paradise or Hellfire.

  49. PPBU (P.B.U.H.) : Peace and Prayers Be Upon him. A statement Muslims use any time they mention the name of the messenger or make a reference to him.

  50. Qadar - Fate. Preordainment is the teaching that all things, good and bad, are preordained to occur.

  51. Qadr - (night of Qadr): The night when the first revelation of the Koran took place. Most likely it happened during one of the last ten nights of the month of Ramadan. Or when the Koran was brought down to the nearest heaven in one go, and from there it was brought down in bits and few verses at a time over a period of 23 years. This night is considered the holiest night for Muslims with tremendous advantages.

  52. Qibla - The direction which Muslims turn for daily prayers, towards Mecca.

  53. Quraish - An ancient Arab tribe to which the messenger Muhammad belonged.

  54. Ramadan - The ninth month of the Islamic calendar which is the month of the fast. The holiest month in the Muslim colander.

  55. Salat - Prayers. Generally it covers all forms of worship, but more specifically refers to the Muslim rituals which is performed to worship Allah five times daily.

  56. Shiaa: A sect of Islam that teaches that a religion leader (Imam) should be the political ruler and must be direct descendants of the messenger (PPBU). Therefore, disapproving of all Muslim leaders who ruled After the messenger (PPBU) except Ali, the messenger's grandson.

  57. Shirk - Associating another god with Allah.  Or associating anyone or anything with Allah. Or using anyone or anything as a medium to Allah. The opposite of Monotheism or Tawheed.  

  58. Siam  or Soam- Fasting

  59. Sunni: is a the title of  those Muslims who are suppose to be following the life style of the messenger. This differentiates them from the Shiaa of Iran.

  60. Sunna (Sunnah): Is how the Messenger PPBU lived, what he did or said. It includes the way he dressed, ate, drank, prayed, interacted with other people and fought. Basically, sunnah is the life style of the messenger PPBU. It is considered the second source of legislation in Islamic laws and it is considered to be an important reference to be used for concluding arguments and disputes. It is also a title give to the main stream Muslims who make 90% if all Muslims.

  61. Surah - A chapter of the Koran.  

  62. Tawaf: part of the pilgrimage (Hajj) ritual. It involves walking round the Ka'aba Mosque in anti-clock wise direction a number of seven circles.

  63. Tauhid - Tawheed - Monotheism, in Islam is the teaching that there is only one God who alone is worthy of worship. The first requirement of becoming a Muslim. It is included in the testimony of faith for new Muslims when declaring that God is one: (No God but Allah)

  64. Taqwah - Proper fear and veneration of Allah.  A divine spark that enables the person to understand God.

  65. Taurat: The old Testaments and scriptures of Mosa.

  66. Ummah - the word means: a Nation. Usually refers to the Islamic nation unless otherwise stated.

  67. Umrah - (Amrah): A mini hajj. A Minor form of pilgrimage to Mecca. Unlike Hajj which can only be done on the 12th month of the Islamic year, Umrah can be performed at any time.

  68. Wathoo (wadoo): a washing up ritual done by Muslims before each of the five daily prayers known as ablution.

  69. Zaboor - The Psalms

  70. Zakat - The third pillar of Islam.  Alms giving, charity that is given to the poor.

 

 


Faheem Bukhatwa, my email address is : faheemfb@gmail.com