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In the name of Allah most gracious most merciful.

The rights of the wife in a Muslim family.

Written by: Sk. Omar Kadrawi

Translated by: Dr. Faheem Bukhatwa.

17 April 2009

22 Rabee Al-Thani 1430 H



The talk this Friday is about the rights guaranteed within the basic entity of the family. The khutba (talk) is about the rights of the wife upon her husband, and the rights of the husband upon his wife. This leads to the rights of the children upon their parents and the rights of the parents upon the children. This week’s talk is about the rights of the wife upon her husband. Islam gave particular attention concerning the family and the relationships between members of the family. Islam in all its regulations and rulings aimed at the stability of the family life due to the fact that it is a major factor towards the stability of the Islamic society. Towards this aim, Islam put clear limits to each of the husband, wife and children. Each of those has unique rights which differ from the others. Yet they are evenly balanced and equal in rights and are in harmony together which leads to filling hearts with love, and filling homes with happiness, and filling society with good and God fearing offspring who build and do not destroy, and elevate to higher levels and do not descend.

We start by mentioning part of the rights or entitlements of a wife in a Muslim family upon her husband:

1)           The husband must look at his wife as a source of comfort and rest to him. It is beside her that contentment and relaxation should be complete. A wife is not just beauty to look at, nor just a mean or an object for fulfilling his lust, and she is neither an object purely for the purpose breeding and reproduction.

A wife is a spiritual complement to her husband, without whom there will be lack of peace and stability. The Koran says: {it is one of His signs and miracles that He created from within you, for you, wives so with whom may have peace and settlement. And He made between you affection and mercy. There are signs in that for those who contemplate} 30:21. It is the right of every wife that her husband is to consider her to be his spiritual and psychological refuge. And that they are tied with a strong tie of love affection and mercy. And that is the strongest of all ties. This is enough to clear many of the problems in a marital life. In a relationship where the husband is spiritually, psychologically and within his heart is in need of his wife, no divorce will take place despite that it is allowed in Islam, and no need for more wives yet it is legal in Islam.

2)           One of the rights of a wife upon her husband in Islam is that he must spend and provide for her in good faith. His obligations are to provide the proper and suitable and effective place of residence or the home. A home where her physical health, her sanctity and honour are protected. He is also obliged to provide the wife with the proper and appropriate and suitable and effective clothing. Not less than that quality and standard worn by her relatives and neighbours and others at her standard. Clothes which will protect her from the heat and the cold. The husband is also obliged to provide the suitable and healthy food that the majority of people will consume, neither without keeping quantities low nor over spending on food. All this mentioned above is of course conditioned by the ability of the husband to provide. Allah says: {Allah never burdens a soul with more than it can stand}. Allah also says: {and for the born he (the husband) is to provide for wives their requirements and clothing in good faith}. The messenger (ppbu) said: {A Dinar (or a Euro) spent in the line of Allah, and a Dinar spent to free a slave, and a Dinar you spend as charity to a needy, and a Dinar you spend to provide for your wife. And the greatest one is the one you spend for your wife}.

Provision is required in moderation and in balance. A wife would be at wrong to ask for more than the husband can possibly provide. And the husband will be at wrong to intentionally reduce the provisions below the required level of honour and happiness of the family. This stinginess would be deplored by Allah and would be a cause for much of the family problems. The worse is that husband who gives so sparingly and tightly to his wife what he is obliged to give, and yet squander the money on friends, and on lavish style of entertainment and pleasures outside the family.

The messenger ppbu said: {Every donation a man spends gets rewarded for. Even a bite of food he puts in his wife’s mouth}.

3)           One of the rights of a wife upon her husband is that he teaches or provides her the means to learn her religious duties, and guides her to what is needed. Even though this is an obligation upon the husband but in fact a wife who fears Allah and worships Allah is a better wife to her husband and a more honest wife, and would be the kindest and warm hearted mother to her children, and would be the a happier woman in her home and family. Islam gives a wife whose husband prevents her from learning the Islamic rules and regulations, Islam gives her the right to go and seek knowledge from the religious scholars. She and her husband are in need of this far more their need for food and drink.

In fact the husband is responsible for protecting his wife. Allah says: {You who have faith, protect ourself and your families from fire}.

4)           The next right of a wife upon her husband is that he is to feel jealous for her. He must not put her in a compromising position, and neither to be lax or careless with his wife in matters that can effect the honour of the family or makes the family the talked-about family of the community. To compromise in such issues is not respect for the wife but may lead to unhappiness for her, her husband, children and the entire family. It was reported that the messenger (ppbu) said {three (types of people) shall not enter paradise: This who does not have feelings when someone else approaches his wife, and a women who behaves as; or pretends to be man like, and the alcoholic}. The messenger (ppbu) once said: {are you surprised how jealous Saad is? I get more jealous than he does. And Allah gets more jealous than I}.

Asmaa daughter of Abu-Bakr was married to the Zubair Ebn 3awam. He was very poor, and she used to go round picking the seeds of the date’s fruit and used to carry the heavy load on top of her head for long distance to feed her camel. The messenger (ppbu) passed by her once carrying the load and offered to carry her load and offer her a ride on his camel. She turned the offer down because she remembered how jealous her husbands would be. And she did tell her husband who said to her: “carrying the seeds on your head is better to me than riding with the messenger of Allah (ppbu)”. The messenger (ppbu) did not take that against him yet she would have been with the safest person ever. On the other hand, excessive jealousy that gets into the stage of false suspicions and doubts without bases except Satan’s incitements. The messenger (ppbu) said: {There is a type of jealousy which Allah hates and that is the jealousy of a man over his wife for no reason}.

5)           It is also the right of a wife is to be pleasantly met and cohabited with at the home by the husband. The husband must seek to spend time with her, listens to her talking, jokes and have fun with her. The messenger (ppbu) the preacher, the worshipper, the humble, the leader and the ruler was the most light hearted with his wives and behaved with them with the best morals. He used to tell them stories and listened to theirs, and joked with them to bring happiness into their hearts. It was known that he used race his wife 3a-esha. She used to watch games with him at the door with her face resting over his shoulder. The messenger (ppbu) said: {of all the believers, the one with the most completed faith is that one with the best morals and the most gentle to his wife and family}. Omar Ebn_al-Khattab despite being the most feared and toughest of rulers said: “A man in his family ought to be as a little boy in fun and ease, and be a man when out with the men”.

6)             It is the right of a wife upon her husband is that he is to behave well towards her. He is to use good manners and morals towards her. He should talk gently to her, and over look some of her mistakes, and provide her with the advice while showing gentleness, care and mercy. The messenger (ppbu) said: {the closest of you to me in position on the day of resurrection are those of you with the best morals, those who are friendly to people and people make friends with them easily}. So, imagine if treating people well is a measure of closeness to or distance from Allah, you can imagine then if those people are the closest of them all, and that is your wife.

Notes:

Adhan - The call to prayer.

Ansar (or Al-Ansar): The inhabitants of the city of Al-Medina that received and supported the messenger (PPBU) when he immigrated from Mekkah in the very early years of Islam.

Assalam Alaikum - The Islamic greeting, literately means: Peace be with you. Used when approaching or leaving. When used during approaching it will be like saying: I bring no harm to you . and when said during leaving somebody it will mean: No harm will come to you after I leave.

Aya (or Ayah): is a verse of the Koran. It also means a miracle or a sign from God.

Arafa (or Arafah or Arafat): is a mountain outside the city of Mecca that represents the climax of the Hajj worship. All doing Hajj must stay at this location on the same day.

Badr - The place of the first significant battle between the Muslims and the pagans of the Quraish. It is located in Saudi Arabia.

Caliph - A Muslim ruler. See: (Khalifa)

Dajjal - Antichrist or the False Massiah.

Dawah - The proliferation of Islamic teachings through word and deed.

Deen (Din) - Religion or way of life.

Duaa: a prayer in the form of talking to Allah; praising him and asking him for help.

Fatwa - Legal verdict given based on the Qur'an (Koran) and the Sunnah which are the recorded sayings and deeds of Muhammad.

Ferdose: is the highest level of the all the gardens of Eden or paradise.

Fiqh - Religious law.

Hadeeth: is something reported that the messenger have said. It includes all the speeches and ceremonies he gave. It is usually narrated or told by one of his companions. There is a list of hadeeths approximately 14000 that are reported and checked to be genuine. No more hadeeths are acceptably added to this list.

Hajar - The Black Stone set into the corner of the Ka'aba in Mecca. It is said to be a stone from Heaven.

Hajj - The pilgrimage to Mecca which takes place in the last month of the Islamic calendar. One of the five pillars of Islam.

Hasana or hasanas: is the reward for a good deed. a hasana is a point or a merit for a good deed.

Hadith - The sayings and not deeds of the prophet Muhammad recorded by his followers. Considered authoritative and perfect.

Hajj: is the worship of pilgrimage.

Hijra (or Hejrah): the event of the immigration of the messenger from Mekkah to Madina. This event marks the start of the Islamic calendar. the Islamic calendar has 12 months based on the lunar cycle, each is 29.5 days. Hijra is also used as a name for the Islamic dating system.

Ibadah - Worship. All the words and deeds with which Allah is pleased. These deeds could be prayer and charity.

Iblis - (Ibleese): On of Satan's names.

Ibn (Ebn): the son of. Used by Arabs as part of an individual's name. Example: Ali whose father is Omar or the son of Omar, would be called: Ali Ibn Omar.

Imam (or Emam)- The leader for a prayer. In the Shiaa sect, an Imam is the individual who has the religious authority.

Iman: belief or faith

Injil (Enjeel) - The Bible. The book inspired to Jesus for the Christians.

Islam - Submission, the religion of all the prophets of Allah culminating in Muhammad.

Jannah - The heavenly garden, Paradise. The place of the faithful in the afterlife.

Jihad: is striving in the line of Allah in many forms. Includes a very wide scope varying from improving oneself to fighting a defensive war in protection of Allah's word. The greatest Jihad is the fight one's self against temptations. It also means "holy war."

Jinn - Supernatural, invisible beings race of beings, below angels. They were made from fire. Like humans, there amongst them are the faithful and the non beleivers and Jinn shall be judged on Judgment Day.

Ka'aba: A cube shaped building in Mecca containing a stone laid there by Abraham and Ishmael. Some say Ka'aba was first built by Adam, and some say by Abraham. It is the holiest place for Muslims. It is where all Muslims face in their daily prayers. Ka'aba also makes a major part of the pilgrimage in a ritual known as Tawaf.

Khalifa: is the Muslim ruler. Head of the Islamic empire. Exact translation: "Successor".

Khutbah - A sermon given in a Mosque, usually on Friday.

Kufr - Denial or Disbelief. A term Muslims use for anyone who denies existence of Allah or the prophecy of Muhammed.

Koran - Also spelled Qur'an. The holy book of Islam revealed to Muhammad by Allah through the Archangel Gabriel. Koran literally means "the recital." It is the final revelation of Allah given to the prophet Muhammad. It consists of 114 surahs (or chapters.)

Madinah - (Medinah): A city in the Arabian peninsula (in the country known now as Saudi Arabia). A city where the messenger had to immigrate to. Then it was called Yathrib.

Masjid - A center for Muslim activity. It is referred to as a mosque.

Masiah - A sin, or a sinful act

Mecca or Makkah: is the holiest city for Muslims. It contains the Ka'aba mosque with the famous black cubical shape. Mecca is the birth place of the messenger (PPBU).

Mosque - A Muslim house of worship.

Muhajir - (Muhajireen) Immigrant, one who leaves his home town due to lack of religious freedom. It was first used to describe early Muslims immigrating from Mecca to Median and Ethiopia.

Muhammad - the final messenger and prophet of God whose message abrogated all previous revelations. He received the Koran through the angel Gabriel over a 23 year period. Born in Mecca and died in Medina at the age of 63. His full name: Muhammad ibn Abd-Allah

Muslim - One who holds faith to the religion of Islam.

Nafilah: a voluntary prayer other than the five obligatory prayers; performed at any time.

Nasara - Christians. Nasrani: A Christian individual. Nasraniah: Christianity.

Ommah: is the Arabic word for a nation. It usually refers to the Islamic nation unless otherwise specified.

Paradise - Another word for heaven. A garden of bliss, fruits, rivers and all forms of pleasures imaginable and imaginable. No suffering, disease or death. Service is provided by angels. All live in it an ever lasting youthful life. Promised by Almighty Allah to all faithful, true Jews, true Christians and True Muslims. Paradise is one of two places every person will go to, either Paradise or Hellfire.

PPBU (P.B.U.H.) : Peace and Prayers Be Upon him. A statement Muslims use any time they mention the name of the messenger or make a reference to him.

Qadar - Fate. Preordainment is the teaching that all things, good and bad, are preordained to occur.

Qadr - (night of Qadr): The night when the first revelation of the Koran took place. Most likely it happened during one of the last ten nights of the month of Ramadan. Or when the Koran was brought down to the nearest heaven in one go, and from there it was brought down in bits and few verses at a time over a period of 23 years. This night is considered the holiest night for Muslims with tremendous advantages.

Qibla - The direction which Muslims turn for daily prayers, towards Mecca.

Quraish - An ancient Arab tribe to which the messenger Muhammad belonged.

Ramadan - The ninth month of the Islamic calendar which is the month of the fast. The holiest month in the Muslim colander.

Salat - Prayers. Generally it covers all forms of worship, but more specifically refers to the Muslim rituals which is performed to worship Allah five times daily.

Shiaa: A sect of Islam that teaches that a religion leader (Imam) should be the political ruler and must be direct descendants of the messenger (PPBU). Therefore, disapproving of all Muslim leaders who ruled After the messenger (PPBU) except Ali, the messenger's grandson.

Shirk - Associating another god with Allah. Or associating anyone or anything with Allah. Or using anyone or anything as a medium to Allah. The opposite of Monotheism or Tawheed.

Siam or Soam- Fasting

Sunni: is a the title of those Muslims who are suppose to be following the life style of the messenger. This differentiates them from the Shiaa of Iran.

Sunna (Sunnah): Is how the Messenger PPBU lived, what he did or said. It includes the way he dressed, ate, drank, prayed, interacted with other people and fought. Basically, sunnah is the life style of the messenger PPBU. It is considered the second source of legislation in Islamic laws and it is considered to be an important reference to be used for concluding arguments and disputes. It is also a title give to the main stream Muslims who make 90% if all Muslims.

Surah - A chapter of the Koran.

Tawaf: part of the pilgrimage (Hajj) ritual. It involves walking round the Ka'aba Mosque in anti-clock wise direction a number of seven circles.

Tauhid - Tawheed - Monotheism, in Islam is the teaching that there is only one God who alone is worthy of worship. The first requirement of becoming a Muslim. It is included in the testimony of faith for new Muslims when declaring that God is one: (No God but Allah)

Taqwah - Proper fear and veneration of Allah. A divine spark that enables the person to understand God.

Taurat: The old Testaments and scriptures of Mosa.

Ummah - the word means: a Nation. Usually refers to the Islamic nation unless otherwise stated.

Umrah - (Amrah): A mini hajj. A Minor form of pilgrimage to Mecca. Unlike Hajj which can only be done on the 12th month of the Islamic year, Umrah can be performed at any time.

Wathoo (wadoo): a washing up ritual done by Muslims before each of the five daily prayers known as ablution.

Zaboor - The Psalms

Zakat - The third pillar of Islam. Alms giving, charity that is given to the poor.

Faheem Bukhatwa, my email address is : faheemfb@gmail.com