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Children's rights in Islam
Written by: Dr Abd-Hay Yousif
Translated by: Dr Faheem Bukhatwa
23 Mar 2018
06 Rajab 1439.
Dearly beloved,
Each and every one of us is concerned about their children. How to bring them up right? How to purify them? How to protect them? How to bring them up on the best morals and the kindest of traditions? How to turn them to be pious sons and daughters? In the Quran there is much talk for the characteristics of the successful upbringing. Luqman was a slave whom Allah blessed with much wisdom. And He who is given wisdom then he is given huge amount of blessings. Luqman gave his son a few famous commandments or advice or recommendations. Some relate to faith, some relate towards worshipping, some relate to morals and some are associated with being of benefit to the creations of Allah. If we look closely at those advices then we would recognise the pattern of the method of successful upbringing each of us would like for his children.
Those are the characteristics of this successful upbringing:
1) The upbringing being based on wisdom:
Allah says: {And We gave Luqman wisdom, saying: Give thanks unto Allah; and whosoever giveth thanks, he giveth thanks for his own benefit. And whosoever denies; then Allah is Absolute, Rich, Owner of Praise. } 31:12. Upbringing is not a coincidental matter. It does not just happen randomly. Upbringing is not just passing chats we have with our sons and daughters. Upbringing is a practical accumulative operation, formed over many extended chats, and many remarks passed by the parent every now and then, with gentleness, compassion and mercy. Luqman peace be upon him issued his recommendations with absolute wisdom. This wisdom, dear Muslims, we can obtain today through reading the books covering the topic of upbringing of children. Or this same wisdom may be obtained by attending specialised courses or following some program targeting the matter of upbringing. That is in order to achieve the wisdom which we can reflect towards our children.
2) The good example or a good role model.
People need to have a good role model before the good sermon. People are in need of the good actions before the beautiful words. One wise person once gave advice to his brother, he said: “if you wanted to teach your children to fix their ways then start first by fixing your own ways”. The behaviour of one man in one thousand men is much better than the talks given by a thousand man to one man. One well behaved person can have an effect on a thousand men. While if a thousand men talked to one man and yet their deeds disagreed with their words, then all their words will have no effect. Allah says: {O you who believe! Why do you say that which you do not do?} 61:02. {do you command or enjoin people to do righteous deeds and be good people, and you forget to practice that yourselves? While (or despite the fact that} you recite the book. Have you then no sense?} 2:44. A parent ordering his child to do prayers while the parent does not, do you think this will have an effect on the child? A parent telling his son not to drink alcohol or not to do evil acts, then the son sees his father doing the very same evil deeds, or drinking alcohol, do you think the son will be effected by the parent’s words? When a mother orders her daughter to dress modestly or to wear head scarf or Hijab, then the mother’s reality is the opposite of her own words, do you think her daughter will follow the mother’s advice? For certain, No. It is for that reason if we wanted to make our children righteous, then we must start by fixing ourselves. Lead by good example. {Indeed in the Messenger of Allâh you have a good example to follow} 33:21. The messenger ppbu used to invite people to Allah with his own state and deed before he invited them with his words. He did with his good morals, with his truthfulness, and his honesty, purity or chastity, his gallantry, humility or modesty, charity, his kindness, his tolerance, his forgiveness, and with his tongue which spoke no foul words. This is the second virtue of the true teacher: Leading by good example.
Make certain, and be certain dear Muslim not to give the talks to follow Allah, and then you would do the opposite with your deed.
(( Arabic poems)):
Any man who teaches others,
Should the teaching not be for you?
You prescribe medicine for the sick,
How will they get better when you yourself are sick?
Start with yourself, call yourself off the wrong
So if you are off the wrong then you are a wise one.
I see that you forever target us with guidance,
And yet you have no guidance for yourself.
3) A comprehensive plan for bringing up of children.
Here is Luqman ppbu says to his son: {My son, do not associate others with Allah, associating anything with Allah is a great aggression} 31:13. He commands his son with a safe and secure belief. Commands him to correctly head towards Allah alone, then he commands him to be kind to the parents: {Give thanks to Me and to your parents, and to Me all shall end up} 31:14. Then he commands him to worship God: {my son perform the prayer, command the good and deter against evil, and be patient with what you are stricken with. That is one of the matters which requires resolve} 31:17. Then he commands him to adhere to good and beautiful morals, as he says to him: {Do not turn your face away from people in pride and arrogance, and do not walk on land with ego and vanity. Allah does not like anyone who is proud and vane. (18) Take it easy as you walk, and reduce your voice, the worst or all sounds is the sound of donkeys} 31:18-19.
Bringing up children must be a complete program. A father commanding his son to do prayers, yet he does not care if his son used foul or vulgar language with others, or shows no respect towards the elderly, or doesn’t care less for the scholar or shows no kinds or mercy to the young. The parent or the father doesn’t care about all that, in fact some would even consider some sort of gallantry. What good is bringing-up in such case? Bringing up children has to be a complete program which contains taking care of Allah’s rights, and the parents’ rights and the rights of all the creations.
4) Implanting within the child, son and daughter, the idea of self-vigilance or self-watching. In the old days, our parents would stop us from doing something and we stop, and they would tell us off doing something and we stay off it. Why was that possible? It was possible because they were in control. They had full control in all means of media. They were able to watch what we read, and who we befriend for company. But now means of enticement has increased. You are no longer able to watch your children. Your child has his TV in his pocket. He has access to all movies and videos. They see what we do not see. And they know what we do not know. And they can use what we are no good at using. And it is impossible to watch you son 24/7. And it is for that; that Luqman implants the feeling of God fearing in the soul of his son, as he says: {O my son, if it weighed the weight of grain of Mustard, stock in rock in the heavens or the earth, then Allah will bring it. Allah is the most Gentle and the most Expert} 31:16. It is as if he is saying: my son, remember that Allah can see you at your place, and can hear your spoken words, and can access what is within your soul. Nothing related to you can hide away from Him. Let your fear be from God, and not from your father or mother, or from the police or the ruler or the judge. Have fear only from Allah who nothing in the earth or the heavens can be hidden from Him. Ingraining God’s fear into the souls of our sons and daughters is one of the greater characteristics which leads to success of the bringing up technique.
5) Reasons or explanations for commands and prohibitions. Again, in the past our parents used to tells us to this, and do not do this. Today you must give a reason why. A son or a daughter will say to you: I want to be convinced, I need to understand. That is why prophet Luqman pbu when he commanded his son to do something and when he prohibited him doing something, he gave reasons. {Give thanks to me and to your parents}, reason: {To me you shall return}. He showed them that there is a coming back, and there is a day when one would be brought to an account. And there is a day when one will have to stand before Allah.
When he advices them to stay off evil morals he say: {Do not turn your face away from people in pride and arrogance, and do not walk on land with ego and vanity}. He give the reason: {Allah does not like anyone who is proud and vane}.
When he commands him to have the best of morals he says to him: {Take it easy and be modest in your walk, and and lower your voice}. He gives the reason: {Verily, the harshest of all voices is the sound of the donkey}. If you shout out loud, and if you disturb people and hurt their hearing then you are quite similar to the donkey that Allah has only used it to as an example of stupidity: {The likeness of those who were entrusted to carry Taurât (Torah), but who subsequently failed in this obligation, is as the likeness of a donkey which carries huge burdens of books (but understands any of it)} 62:5. Those are the words of the Lord of all slaves.
Dear brothers and sisters, I finish off this ceremony by saying to you not to do without supplication (duaa). Mankind must not just depend on the work he does, or depend on his/her understanding of the matter, or on his/her strength and abilities, but he/she must seek Allah’s help through supplication (duaa). Just as prophet Abraham pbu said: {O God, make me one who establish or perform prayers, and also make my offspring after me, and accept my supplication (duaa)} 14:40. And also, just as the pious or devout slave said: {My Lord! Grant me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your mercy or Favour which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds, such as please You, and make my off-spring righteous and good} 46:15. {and make my off-spring righteous and good},, always the individual should make supplication and ask Allah to make his/her children righteous and good.
I ask and pray to Allah to make righteous and make right our children, and that He may bless, and make them the peace of mind for us. O Lord, grant us the peace of mind through our partners and our offspring, and make us leaders or example for those who are God fearing. And all you, repent to Allah then He will forgive your sins.
Part 2:
Whoever wishes his/her children to be kind and benevolence towards them, then he/she must to be kind and benevolent toward his/her children. That is done by doing a good job of bringing them up and directing them. One man came to Omar Ebn Khattab complaining that his son disrespectful and disobedient towards him. Omar asked the son: why are you disrespectful towards your father? The son said: Sir (prince of the faithful) can you tell me what are the rights of a son or the duties of the father towards his son? Omar said: to choose a good mother for him, and choose a good name for him and to teach him Quran. The son said: my father did none of that. My mother is mentally mad woman. And as for my name, he named me: Jula (in Arabic Jul or jula means an earth worm). And he never taught me not one single character of the Quran. Omar then said to the father: your case is dismissed. For you have been disrespectful towards your son before he was disrespectful towards you.
A parent who disregards or pays no attention to their son or daughter, thinking that parental duty is limited to providing food, clothes and accommodation, and that is all to it, is definitely shortcomings on their behalf.
Notes:
Adhan - The call to prayer.
Ahmad (Ahmed)- Another name for the messenger Muhammad (PPBU).
Allah - The Arabic word for "god." It is often used as a name for God in Islam.
- The inhabitants of the city of Al-Medina that received and supported the messenger (PPBU) when he immigrated from Mekkah in the very early years of Islam.
Ansar (or Al-Ansar):
Assalam Alaikum - The Islamic greeting, literately means: Peace be with you. Used when approaching or leaving. When used during approaching it will be like saying: I bring no harm to you . and when said during leaving somebody it will mean: No harm will come to you after I leave.
- is a verse of the Koran. It also means a miracle or a sign from God.
Aya (or Ayah):
- is a mountain outside the city of Mecca that represents the climax of the Hajj worship. All doing Hajj must stay at this location on the same day.
Arafa (or Arafah or Arafat):
Badr - The place of the first significant battle between the Muslims and the pagans of the Quraish. It is located in Saudi Arabia.
Caliph - A Muslim ruler. See: (Khalifa)
Dajjal - Antichrist or the False Massiah.
Dawah - The proliferation of Islamic teachings through word and deed.
Deen (Din) - Religion or way of life.
- talking to Allah; praising him and asking him for help.
Duaa: a prayer in the form of
Fatwa - Legal verdict given based on the Qur'an (Koran) and the Sunnah which are the recorded sayings and deeds of Muhammad.
Ferdose: is the highest level of the all the gardens of Eden or paradise.
Fiqh - Religious law.
Hadeeth: is something reported that the messenger have said. It includes all the speeches and ceremonies he gave. It is usually narrated or told by one of his companions. There is a list of hadeeths approximately 14000 that are reported and checked to be genuine. No more hadeeths are acceptably added to this list.
Hajar - The Black Stone set into the corner of the Ka'aba in Mecca. It is said to be a stone from Heaven.
Hajj - The pilgrimage to Mecca which takes place in the last month of the Islamic calendar. One of the five pillars of Islam.
Hasana or hasanas: is the reward for a good deed. a hasana is a point or a merit for a good deed.
Hadith - The sayings and not deeds of the prophet Muhammad recorded by his followers. Considered authoritative and perfect.
Hajj: is the worship of pilgrimage.
Hijra (or Hejrah): the event of the immigration of the messenger from Mekkah to Madina. This event marks the start of the Islamic calendar. the Islamic calendar has 12 months based on the lunar cycle, each is 29.5 days. Hijra is also used as a name for the Islamic dating system.
Ibadah - Worship. All the words and deeds with which Allah is pleased. These deeds could be prayer and charity.
Iblis - (Ibleese): On of Satan's names.
Ibn (Ebn): the son of. Used by Arabs as part of an individual's name. Example: Ali whose father is Omar or the son of Omar, would be called: Ali Ibn Omar.
Imam (or Emam)- The leader for a prayer. In the Shiaa sect, an Imam is the individual who has the religious authority.
Iman: belief or faith
Injil (Enjeel) - The Bible. The book inspired to Jesus for the Christians.
Islam - Submission, the religion of all the prophets of Allah culminating in Muhammad.
Jannah - The heavenly garden, Paradise. The place of the faithful in the afterlife.
Jihad: is striving in the line of Allah in many forms. Includes a very wide scope varying from improving oneself to fighting a defensive war in protection of Allah's word. The greatest Jihad is the fight one's self against temptations. It also means "holy war."
Jinn - Supernatural, invisible beings race of beings, below angels. They were made from fire. Like humans, there amongst them are the faithful and the non beleivers and Jinn shall be judged on Judgment Day.
Ka'aba: A cube shaped building in Mecca containing a stone laid there by Abraham and Ishmael. Some say Ka'aba was first built by Adam, and some say by Abraham. It is the holiest place for Muslims. It is where all Muslims face in their daily prayers. Ka'aba also makes a major part of the pilgrimage in a ritual known as Tawaf.
Khalifa: is the Muslim ruler. Head of the Islamic empire. Exact translation: "Successor".
Khutbah - A sermon given in a Mosque, usually on Friday.
Kufr - Denial or Disbelief. A term Muslims use for anyone who denies existence of Allah or the prophecy of Muhammed.
Koran - Also spelled Qur'an. The holy book of Islam revealed to Muhammad by Allah through the Archangel Gabriel. Koran literally means "the recital." It is the final revelation of Allah given to the prophet Muhammad. It consists of 114 surahs (or chapters.)
Madinah - (Medinah): A city in the Arabian peninsula (in the country known now as Saudi Arabia). A city where the messenger had to immigrate to. Then it was called Yathrib.
Masjid - A center for Muslim activity. It is referred to as a mosque.
Masiah - A sin, or a sinful act
Mecca or Makkah: is the holiest city for Muslims. It contains the Ka'aba mosque with the famous black cubical shape. Mecca is the birth place of the messenger (PPBU).
Mosque - A Muslim house of worship.
Muhajir - (Muhajireen) Immigrant, one who leaves his home town due to lack of religious freedom. It was first used to describe early Muslims immigrating from Mecca to Median and Ethiopia.
Muhammad - the final messenger and prophet of God whose message abrogated all previous revelations. He received the Koran through the angel Gabriel over a 23 year period. Born in Mecca and died in Medina at the age of 63. His full name: Muhammad ibn Abd-Allah
Muslim - One who holds faith to the religion of Islam.
- Nafilah: a voluntary prayer other than the five obligatory prayers; performed at any time.
Nasara - Christians. Nasrani: A Christian individual. Nasraniah: Christianity.
Ommah: is the Arabic word for a nation. It usually refers to the Islamic nation unless otherwise specified.
Paradise - Another word for heaven. A garden of bliss, fruits, rivers and all forms of pleasures imaginable and imaginable. No suffering, disease or death. Service is provided by angels. All live in it an ever lasting youthful life. Promised by Almighty Allah to all faithful, true Jews, true Christians and True Muslims. Paradise is one of two places every person will go to, either Paradise or Hellfire.
- PPBU (P.B.U.H.) : Peace and Prayers Be Upon him. A statement Muslims use any time they mention the name of the messenger or make a reference to him.
Qadar - Fate. Preordainment is the teaching that all things, good and bad, are preordained to occur.
- Qadr - (night of Qadr): The night when the first revelation of the Koran took place. Most likely it happened during one of the last ten nights of the month of Ramadan. Or when the Koran was brought down to the nearest heaven in one go, and from there it was brought down in bits and few verses at a time over a period of 23 years. This night is considered the holiest night for Muslims with tremendous advantages.
Qibla - The direction which Muslims turn for daily prayers, towards Mecca.
Quraish - An ancient Arab tribe to which the messenger Muhammad belonged.
Ramadan - The ninth month of the Islamic calendar which is the month of the fast. The holiest month in the Muslim colander.
Salat - Prayers. Generally it covers all forms of worship, but more specifically refers to the Muslim rituals which is performed to worship Allah five times daily.
Shiaa: A sect of Islam that teaches that a religion leader (Imam) should be the political ruler and must be direct descendants of the messenger (PPBU). Therefore, disapproving of all Muslim leaders who ruled After the messenger (PPBU) except Ali, the messenger's grandson.
Shirk - Associating another god with Allah. Or associating anyone or anything with Allah. Or using anyone or anything as a medium to Allah. The opposite of Monotheism or Tawheed.
Siam or Soam- Fasting
Sunni: is a the title of those Muslims who are suppose to be following the life style of the messenger. This differentiates them from the Shiaa of Iran.
Sunna (Sunnah): Is how the Messenger PPBU lived, what he did or said. It includes the way he dressed, ate, drank, prayed, interacted with other people and fought. Basically, sunnah is the life style of the messenger PPBU. It is considered the second source of legislation in Islamic laws and it is considered to be an important reference to be used for concluding arguments and disputes. It is also a title give to the main stream Muslims who make 90% if all Muslims.
Surah - A chapter of the Koran.
Tawaf: part of the pilgrimage (Hajj) ritual. It involves walking round the Ka'aba Mosque in anti-clock wise direction a number of seven circles.
Tauhid - Tawheed - Monotheism, in Islam is the teaching that there is only one God who alone is worthy of worship. The first requirement of becoming a Muslim. It is included in the testimony of faith for new Muslims when declaring that God is one: (No God but Allah)
Taqwah - Proper fear and veneration of Allah. A divine spark that enables the person to understand God.
Taurat: The old Testaments and scriptures of Mosa.
Ummah - the word means: a Nation. Usually refers to the Islamic nation unless otherwise stated.
Umrah - (Amrah): A mini hajj. A Minor form of pilgrimage to Mecca. Unlike Hajj which can only be done on the 12th month of the Islamic year, Umrah can be performed at any time.
Wathoo (wadoo): a washing up ritual done by Muslims before each of the five daily prayers known as ablution.
Zaboor - The Psalms
Zakat - The third pillar of Islam. Alms giving, charity that is given to the poor.
Faheem Bukhatwa, my
email address is : faheemfb@gmail.com
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